Have you ever thought to yourself, “Hey, it would be so awesome if there was a game where there was alot of videogame characters kicking butt in on game.” Well, Nintendo can read your mind. They made Super Smash Brothers for the N64, and although the characters look like squares and the single player mode is boring, it’s a fun game. Then came the Gamecube, and you are thinking, “Man, these graphics for Super Smash Brothers are horrible. I wish that they were better” Enter Super Smash Brothers Melee. It was prettier, faster, and overall better. But then comes next-gen, and you’re thinking, “Dang, Bioshock has AWESOME graphics and so many levels and items. If only Super Smash Brothers Melee had these many extras.” Here comes Brwal. It was supposed to be released in December, wetting the pants of children everywhere that wanted to play as Meta Knight, or Snake, or that one guy called Ike that nobody knows! Sadly, it was delayed. Over and over again. Pessimists were upset that it would be like the Phantom game system and be delayed until the year 9,0341,173, but the more optimistic people thought it was because the game was so awesome that there would have to be a new holiday for it. Then, out of the bag, came Sonic the Hedgehog, ensuring that if this game wasn’t epic to the extremities, Nintendo would be burned at the stake for such evil and treasonous acts of anti-awesomeness. Well, I got the game after A LOT of waiting, and it is worth it. So many characters and so many extras (more than 500 trophies and God knows how many stickers) to make your Wii feel all tingly inside. But, let’s say you’re tired of the stages (for shame). You can MAKE your own stage, and it can be as big, small, or mentally unstable as you wish. You can also include a HUGE amount of classic and remixed Nintendo music to unlock. There’s also (pause for dramatic effect) online play. I can’t get it to work, but I’m sure it’s awesome. There’s new items that can either drastically turn the match to your favor or cripple you indefinitely. One of the items is the Final Smash, a perfect ending unique to each character. Here’s a video of all of the Final Smashes.

Ah, New York. City that never sleeps. Broadway, Radio City, Natural History Museum. And, most recently, prostitute scandals. Let’s start with Spitzer.  Spitzer, Spitzer, Spitzer. When elected, he promised to cease the rising prostitution in the city. How could he be a bad person? He was married, was strongly against prostitution, and he had a cool name. How could anything go wro- oh, wait. Never mind. Turns out he was having a little affair with a – guess who- prostitute. Actually, several ones. The entire city gasped at the news, not including his very, very angry wife (smooth Spitzer). Personally, he was doing a good job. How many people have been able to go behind an ENTIRE CITY’S BACK?? Besides most all of the Presidents, of course. Well, Spitzer left and peace has returned to the galaxy. The new governor, I forgot his name, is coming in, and he’s creepy. He kinda looks like Brock from the Pokemon TV series, only without the strange creatures. Sadly, they both have similar needs to be with a woman. This time, instead of gasping, the entire city of New York shared a huge groan. As did I, thinking that the President said that it would be a hoot if they were both having prostitutes, thus starting a gag on the city of New York on a bet to see who could get the entire city more ticked off in a shameful, shameful display of self deterioration resulting in eternal loathing from the country, nay, the planet. My money’s on Spitzer. 

I hate today’s modern world. Nowadays if one thing becomes even remotely popular, we get the next plague of lunch-boxes and posters plastered with the same, repetitive image. eg Shrek. Such is the case of High School Musical, which is already as popular as toilet paper. And I hate it. I hate the lame songs, the cheesy story and characters, and I hate the people who invented this…..thing down to their very soul. Lets start with the story. I would rather shave my head with a rusty chain-saw than memorize the plethora of unoriginal, lame characters, so I’ll just call them by what part they have in the movie; boy, girl, black guy, black girl, crazy teacher, crazy father, gay person, and dumb blond. Boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love, but boy needs to go back to school in other country. Girl just HAPPENS to be moving to boy’s school. Dumb blonde gets jealous. Dumb blond and gay person try to sabotage boy and girl’s relationship by getting girl too caught into black girl’s math club. Meanwhile, crazy teacher has drama project. Boy wants to impress girls by entering, but black guy and crazy father want boy to stick with basketball. In the end, everyone except for the dumb blonde is happy and they all live happily ever after. End. The story line is VERY similar to the story of Grease. Let’s review. Boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love, but boy needs to go back to school in other country. Girl just HAPPENS to be moving to boy’s school. Dumb blonde gets jealous. Dumb blond and other girl try to sabotage boy and girl’s relationship by getting girl too caught into screwing up relationship. Meanwhile, mean guy starts a race. Boy wants to impress girl by being a jock, but greaser buddies want boy to stick with racing. In the end, everyone except for the dumb blonde is happy and they all live happily ever after. END!  Now for the worst part. The music. If this movie had not been called High School Musical and instead Talentless Teens Beating a Baby Elephant with a Dying Cat Trying To Impersonate a Parrot Being Hacked to Pieces with a Rusty Nail, I’d be none the wiser. I hate these kind of movies where all of the sudden some guy starts singing “Look, I’m opening my LOCKER!!!” and suddenly he telepathically makes everyone near him sing and dance to it in perfect synchrony. I know, some of the best movies have these moments, but because it’s necessary. In The Nightmare Before Christmas Jack couldn’t have just said, “Oh, look, there’s white stuff all over the place, as well as colors. Oh Joy.” He HAD to sing it. In Sweeney Todd they couldn’t have said, “There was this guy and his wife and kid and the judge had him arrested so he could be with her, so now he’s gonna kill him.” Yea, the movie is called High School Musical, but the title is referring to the play within the movie. They had four options: 1. Not make it a musical.2. Not call it High School Musical.3. Not make the friggin’ movie. 4. Put in horrible meaningless music. Guess which they chose. The actors should all die a horrible, horrible death to repay for their sins. Like watch their movie until they gouge their eyes out with spoons and tear out their ears. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE SCRIPT??? Ever played the first Resident Evil game? Where the heroin says things like, “Oh. No. I. Had. Better. Look. Out. For. Zmobies.”  In High School Musical, they don’t even try. At least Resident Evil is funny, but they SCREAM out their hearts desires, like so: High School Musical Person: “YEA!!!!!! IMMA GONNA GO TO DA MUSICAAAAAAAALLLL!!” Sane Person: “OWW! Stop screaming! What is your problem?” “WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHAAAAAAR!”  Well, I’m done. I sincerely hope you agree to my opinions.  Incrediblydisgruntled, signing off.